Written by admin on Tuesday, August 5th, 2008 in gadgets.
Oh, what to say about Chocobo’s Dungeon? Well, it has a magic baby that allows the starring bird to enter dungeons located in people’s minds. You definitely cannot say that about many games. It also stars Cid, who is to Final Fantasy what Tim Meadows was to Saturday Night Live, in that he’s got more title appearances in the series than any other character I can think of, unless you count Mogs as a whole… which I don’t. Anyway, Cid is back and he owns a chocobo named Chocobo. Which is kind of like a cat that is named Cat. It isn’t really that original or creative, and makes you wonder what is wrong with the owner. Cid is searching for something to build his first airship, I think. There was also something about a town where people forget things, and the baby and the bird team up to reclaim the towns people’s memories. It’s like Groundhog Day, except not funny. Despite my best efforts I was so bored by this game it was hard to pay enough attention to piece this overly-juvenile, puerile story together. Which brings me to my first gripe. The rating on this game is 10+, but I cannot imagine anyone over the age of five being the least bit amused by it. It’s sort of like a “my first video game” type of thing. Square Enix has really outdone themselves this time, creating the sort of story line here that makes the Crystal Chronicle series seem dark and cutting-edge by comparison. Which is to say, this game is revoltingly over-cute and infantile in its narrative and feel. Worse yet, the action follows the same path. There is literally one button that is pushed to do one attack… and that is pretty much it. Players wander around exceedingly simple mazes and kick at enemies on the screen with the A button over and over. Yawn. Even worse, the Wiimote makes a really annoying, loud chirp every time you hit that attack, which is constantly. It’s as if they are trying to irritate the gamer. You can mix things up by going into the menu and selecting a generic special attack, but really this does nothing to change the oversimplified gameplay. The upgrade and item-collecting portions of this game are just as lackluster. You pick up two types of upgrades, one for “armor” and one for “weapon.” Oh, and there is food to pickup and feed Chocobo when he gets hungry. Yes, it’s just as mind-crushingly boring as it sounds. A job system attempts to give this game depth, but it’s just not enough to save this title from its repetitive bland-ness. This is by far the most disappointed I have ever been in a release from Square Enix (yes, it’s far worse than The Bouncer was.) I’m admittedly a lifelong Final Fantasy fanboy, but I don’t begrudge this game for not living up to typical standards for the series. I begrudge this game for being an utterly miserable example of basic game design. It’s like they weren’t even trying for this one. Considering that oversimplified garbage has somehow equaled massive cash flow for Wii games, (thanks, casuals) I guess I can see why they wouldn’t particularly try. Stay far away from this title, unless you are seeking a non-prescription alternative to insomnia, or have a child of questionable intelligence that you wish to entertain. (Read the full post about ‘Review: Final Fantasy Fables Chocobo’s Dungeon for Wii’…)
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